Episode 139 - Pushing Forward in Grief During The Holidays

December 19, 2018 by Darwyn Dave

I will not focus on the "firsts" as this is the first Christmas without my mother. There are a lot of people who make a big deal of telling me this. Instead I will focus on the way that she lived.

I will pay special attention on making sure to carry on the traditions that we have during the Christmas holiday: exchanging gifts with family, calling those that are not close, and simply enjoying the day as best as I can.

The thing that I'll miss most is not hearing her voice, especially her voice. I've always at least been able to talk to her even if I couldn't see her.

Until this year.

I'll use every coping mechanism in the book to deal with that... until they don't work.

Then I'll simply have to go through it.

The lesson here is that it'll be tough, but I can do it.

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 138 - Grief, A Dream, and A Holiday

December 12, 2018 by Darwyn Dave

Last week for the first time I had a dream about someone who was deceased... it was a dream about my mother.

It was a dream about a family tradition that we had of opening Christmas presents after Midnight Mass. Now the strange thing is that I didn't let the dream play out because I got so freaked out that I was having this dream that I woke before it ended.

Even stranger is the fact that during the last visit that I had with my mom before she went into the hospital I felt my dad's presence in the car with me on several occasions as I drove to different places throughout the city. I wonder if this is the man who came to "see" my mother the night before she died... the person who told her she was going to die.

During my dream before I woke we did in fact exchange gifts but woke before we opend them. I'm a little upset to not know what the gifts were.

In the end I don't think the gifts were important. I believe it was a way of telling me that it was OK to celebrate the season - not to get upset and caught up in the fact that she isn't here.

While I will mess her physical presence, I will miss her voice even more. I saw her sporadically over the years, mainly at Easter and Thanksgiving or Christmas but we'd talk regularly so it is the sound of her voice I'll miss the most.

Subscribe to this podcast by using one of the following:

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Contact me using any of following:

email - darwyn@dealingwithmygrief.com

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Music provided by Oren Levine (oren@ohljazz.com)

Episode 133 - Sometimes in Grief The Hardest Thing Is...

November 07, 2018 by Darwyn Dave

As the holidays approach I have been asked about how I will be affected by the loss of my mom.

I'll be OK... I'm doing much better than I thought I'd be at this time. Maybe because I've learned how to process my feelings. Maybe because in some small way missing the holidays during other times in my life have prepared me for life without her.

Question: How long do you wait before you go through your love ones possessions? Inquiring minds want to know!!

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